In the world buzzing with billions of people we all have the same desire to love and be loved to know and be known—at least this is at the core of my desire. There has been much talk of various love languages that help us best understand how we best give and receive love. The most notable five are quality time, personal touch, words of affirmation, gifts, and service. Some of these ‘love languages’ communicate more love than others to another even though the same amount of love might be included in each act. For one whom personal touch is greater than service, an act of service done on to this person will seem less loving than a warm touch. The problem occurs when two people give and receive love differently. For instance there are those who love to serve and love to share their love through service, but their love and care for another who does not receive love through service might go unnoticed leaving the one serving feeling like their love was wasted. This can be difficult in a few ways in which really both parities are misunderstood, thus still leaving both parities with the void of not being known and not being loved. To the one who desires to give love they must sacrificially do so on the terms of the one they desire to share love with. If service is not noticed by the other as an act of love or does not communicate the level of love you desire to communicate then you must seek out understanding to know how to love the other in the way that is most profound to them. If they desire to give love back then they too must also sacrifice themselves in a way that communicates love the deepest, not to them, but to the other. In this we will feel known and loved. It does little good for me to love people the way I like to love people or even the way I like to be loved for each person is different. It pangs me when I hear others say, well that’s just how they show love—as if were an excuse for their well intended yet ultimately unloving actions. To have a standard or process on how you ‘love’ others in which they must then take it or leave it is truly not love at all. In ‘loving’ others this way you are truly seeking others to love you instead. If they take it, it affirms you, if they leave it you get to be offended and rejected because your ‘love’ was ignored. Yet if you truly desired to love another you would seek them out and find ways that communicated love specifically to them. So, for as much of a to do we make over love languages the ultimate love language is that of seeking understanding and then acting accordingly upon that. As I stated above my deepest desire is to be understood, and to understand another in the most deepest and profound way, I desire to be able to look into the eyes of another and just know, just know what they are thinking, what they are feeling, because I have taken the time to understand them fully. And I hope that they too might be able to look into my eyes, smile and know. Know my thoughts, feelings, hopes, dreams, and pain all in that moment with no words needing to be exchanged. But again these are my ideals this is what I hope for, another might desire for me to serve them and in that moment of service they feel what I feel in that moment where our eyes meet and I know I am known. In this I must sacrifice myself to seek out what it is to love the other. To love has nothing to do with you, and it has everything to do with them. To love is hard work, it’s bloody work, it’s work in which you might never see a return. This is the cost of love. This is what it means to die to yourself.
13 Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.—John15.13
‘4 Love is patient,love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.6 Love does not delight in evilbut rejoices with the truth.7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.—1 Corinthians 13.4-7